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[02 Oct 2006|09:58pm] |
So basically things are GREAT!
Nick & I are together again, & me & one of my best friends are good again.
Nick makes me so happy, you have no idea.
Except I wish he didn't fucking move.. He said they're probably coming down here for a visit in a few weeks. He better, or else I'll cry. I miss him so much. I hate going to school knowing that he won't be there. & knowing that I won't see him for a while.
I miss him. :[
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[30 Sep 2006|08:02pm] |
I fucking hate it when people say that they'll call you back, but they never do. Especially when you're trying to make plans. It happened twice this weekend with the SAME person. I'm pissed at him. & last weekend it happened with two different people. My best friends. What's up with that?! Stupid.
& there's this one person
that makes me the happiest person in the world.
:]
DGLDFSKLGHDFKLHROTPHBKOW4G !!
Goodbye.
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[19 Sep 2006|10:28pm] |
Okay, so, everything that I wrote on my last post is all good now. Hah.
Anyways! God, the past week or so has been horrible. One of my best friends/favorite people ever moved to Florida. Nick, I'm going to miss you soso much. D: You have no idea. & it sucks.. right when we started actually talking again after all that shit that happened you leave. & I miss you so much. At least I got to see you on Friday..
It sucks so much losing someone that you care about. I like cry everyday now at random times during the day. I hate it so much.
Bah. So anyways, lately I've been putting myself down a LOT. & I just realized that I shouldn't be doing that. I shouldn't be telling myself how ugly & fat I am.. Because that won't make me feel any better about myself. I have to think positively & then maybe I'll stop being so damn insecure & self concious. I hate it. I wish I could think positively about myself so bad.
dsgadshththrt, and I'm going to start making good decisions. I'm going to work hard at school & just be positive about things. It's hard not to be depressed lately, but I'm trying. I'm trying to be happy and deal and cope with shit that is happening, but it's hard.
Oh well, I'll live.
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[13 Sep 2006|04:36pm] |
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Losing your best friend.
I hate it.
I hate that I can't stay mad at someone,
especially when they deserve it.
I hate having to lie to people, saying I'm okay.
I hate that I have done nothing wrong yet I get punished.
I hate that the fucking bitches get everything they want.
Fuck them.
I said that I couldn't hate anyone,
well I do.
& I hate them with a passion.
KDGJDKGJDK I want to talk to you. ]:
So bad.
I'm pissed at you
so much..
But I could never hate you.
I will never forget you
or call you anything less than my best friend.
Because that's what you are..
Even if you want to treat me like shit.
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[05 Sep 2006|10:58pm] |
Do you know what really works? Living your life day by day, letting whatever happens happen. Don't worry about the future. Don't worry about what's going to or might happen in the future. Live your life in the present. If you live your life worrying about the future, you'll miss out on the present, and totally regret it. One of my favorite quotes is "everything happens for a reason". It's true. God makes everything happen for a reason. If something bad happens to you and you think it's the end of your life, know that it's not; it's the beginning of something new. It means there's something better in store for you. I didn't get my job that I wanted so bad.. But I just think of it as that's not the job I was meant to have as my first job. I will soon find the one I'm supposed to get.
If you think positively like that, then you will not be as miserable when something bad happens to you. You need to look past the hurt and negativity, and you will be happy. Look at the positive sides of everything. You will be suprised at how much happier you've become. It worked for me.
If your relationship fails, or somebody breaks your heart, sure it's going to hurt, but think of it as they're not the right person for you. They're not the one that God wants you to be with for the rest of your life. But they might be. If you really believe that they are the one, then God will put you two back together sooner or later. This is what I truely believe. If two people are meant to be together they will find a way back to each other's hearts.
Think positive, and you will be a lot happier, believe me.
:)
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[05 Sep 2006|03:34pm] |
I haven't posted in this in a while, lol.
so yeah, I think I like attract bad luck. Nothing in the world ever works out for me. Nothing goes my way. EVER. I'm used to it, though, but I don't want to be. Why can't just one thing go my way? I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this. I'm not a bad person.. :/
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[01 Sep 2006|10:27pm] |
You know that saying "Nice guys/girls finish last"?
Well, I honestly think it's true.
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[30 Aug 2006|11:27pm] |
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I have a question, why do all of the assholes who cheat and lie have it easy? They get what they want when they want it. But other people, or the good people, have to wait for forever, and it always seems like what they want won't ever come. The good people get hurt. An asshole can cheat on every girl he is with, yet he'll keep getting whoever and whatever he wants. Yet, the good, nice, honest people are stuck with nothing. I don't fucking get it. But, what keeps me going, is knowing that one day karma will catch up with them. They will one day get what they deserve. One day they'll be all alone and wonder why, and then they'll realize that it's because they are liars and cheaters and fucking fakes. One day they'll regret everything that they did in the past; all the people they hurt, all the lies told, all the promises broken.
And another thing, I honestly think that 99% of the people who say they have "changed" haven't, and don't intend on it. They say that to people, or themselves, to make it seem believable. They say what people want to hear. They know deep in their hearts that they haven't fucking changed, and they don't plan on it. All they care about is getting what they want, and they don't care how they get it. People can be so fucking selfish, I swear. And I hate how people don't realize how much they fucking have. They take what they have for granted. They don't realize how lucky they are and how jealous it can make other people. So, people, be happy with what you have.. Because one day you may lose it. That's how I live my life.
I hate how easy it is for people to hurt others. I don't see how they can. I could never hurt anyone on purpose. I hate seeing people hurting because of others. So, if I ever ever ever do anything to hurt you, please know that it's not intentionally..
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[29 Aug 2006|04:35pm] |
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Blah! Today didn't go at all as planned. It was a pretty good day, though. I was so excited and nervous as hell all day about my interview. I went over all the possible questions they could ask me in my head a million times. I got there at about 3:45 and the lady just asked me like four questions.. standing in the middle of the store. And she was like "I would give you an interview in my office but you've never had a job before and I have another interview at four". And then she said that they'd call me for a second interview within a week if they're interested, and I left. I'm sad. I really really really wanted that job. But hey, maybe I'll get called in for a second interview? I really hope so.. I mean wtf so what if I haven't had a job yet? Everyone starts somewhere.. If no one gives me a chance to even start because I don't have much experience then wtf.. That's how you GET experience! Whatever, lol. I'm really hoping to get a job soon, though. I think I'm going to call other places that I applied at.. So I'll have a higher chance to get hired.
Anyways, other than that, I have a lot of other things bothering me.
If your best friend has a boyfriend and he cheats on her and treats her like shit and ignores her do you keep fucking talking to him and acting like you're the best of friends? No. Cara is just really upsetting me lately. She still talks to Nick like they're best friends and what not, and it hurts. It hurts that she doesn't care about me enough to stop talking to him.. I mean I know I would if she was in my situation. I would kick that asshole's ass. I lie and say that I'm over it and not mad and that I would still like to be "friends" with him, and so she thinks it's okay to talk to him. If I was really her best friend, she would see past my lies. She would see that I'm pissed and hurt, but no. Today, I'm guessing they saw Nick during first period in the library, and after first they were talking about him and talking about how he's moving to Florida in two weeks for sure. And I go "Two weeks?! That's wayy too long", and Cara was like "I thought you wanted to be friends again with him, Ashlee!" What the hell? Is she stupid? She is clueless. He's an asshole to me, he cheats on me, and he still ignores me, even to this day, and she's asking me if I still wanna be friends with him? I just wish my best friend could see through the lies that I tell and see that I don't ever want to see that bastard again. I wish that she could just for once stop thinking about herself and trash that asshole. Once again, if she was in my situation I wouldn't believe the lies she told me. I wouldn't believe that she's okay with him being an ass to her and shit. I wouldn't ever forgive him, even if she did. But whatever, that's me. I'm a selfless person, and she's the total opposite. I'll get over it.
I'm just going to have to learn to accept people as who they are. I don't want to change anyone, I just want them to know what bothers me.. And Josh and I were talking about this stuff and like I want to know what people find annoying about me and if anything I do bothers them. I don't want anyone to hide it, I just want to know so I can stop. I really hope I don't annoy/bother anyone. Especially my best friends.
We were also talking about how people put on facades in front of other people. Josh thinks Cara does it, but I disagree. Well, she may do it a little, but not that much. I hate how people act like something they're not in front of other people. Just be yourself, and if someone doesn't like it then fuck them, obviously they're not worth it anyway. Would you rather be friends with someone who knows the real you or know that they're just your friend because you act exactly how they want you to act. I mean, who cares if someone doesn't like you for who you are? They aren't worth it, don't get bothered by it. Find your real friends; people who will love you no matter what.
I'm tired of writing.
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[28 Aug 2006|03:34pm] |
Today was actually a good day. ACTUALLY, all my days have been good lately. I've totally forgotten about that asshole whom I will not name. He's stupid, who neeeeds him! Seriously, but yeah. I'm not doing so good in school.. Fucking Chemistry and U.S. History. I'm so stupid, I swear. Uhh, and, I love Josh! THE END!
And, I'm going to post the blog I had on Myspace on here. In case I ever end up deleting it from there:
"Fuck guys.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and guys are stupid. Well, most guys. Most of them are all about a "physical relationship". They want to be with someone who's easy and will give them what they want. Most of the time, they don't even care about the person. If they go out with someone that they "care about" and "like" and the person doesn't give them what they want, do they break up with them? No, they go off and hook up with other girls who are easy; other girls who will give them what they want.
I'm sorry that I'm not easy. I'm sorry that I'm not a whore. I'm sorry that I won't give you perverts what you want. Relationships aren't all about sex and making out and shit. A relationship is getting to know a person, learning about them, caring about them, LOVING them.
Also, I hate that the words "I love you" are thrown around all the time. People say them when they don't even mean it. People think it's a necessity to say "I love you" to their girlfriend/boyfriend. Love is a powerful word. Don't fucking say it if you don't really mean it. It leads people on and it really hurts when they figure out that it was all a lie.
I'm really getting sick of guys. I guess all that's left are assholes/perverts. I've only been with one guy who didn't cheat on me. What the fuck is up with that? Once again, sorry I'm not easy. I want to find a guy that ISN'T an asshole. That WON'T cheat on me. That DOESN'T want to change me. That just wants love, and nothing more. But I don't think that there is a guy like that left? Maybe there is.. I don't know.
I just want someone to prove me wrong about guys. That would be great, thanks."
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[27 Aug 2006|04:38pm] |
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AND, as you can see, I have no idea how to make LJ layouts. I can do Myspace, I can do Xanga, just not LJ. But I really don't care how my LJ looks, so whatever. :]
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[26 Aug 2006|11:57pm] |
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So, I'm basically using this for myself. To keep up with things, and see how things have changed. So yeah.. I don't care if anyone reads this or not. Most of my entries will be private anyway.
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